Tuesday, March 28, 2006

here's a good joke 4 u all

Hi all , here's a good joke 4 u all.......... A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly. "Yes I do" she replies. The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden" "Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continued.. "Do you remember when he showed the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?" "I remember that too" she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, " I would have been released today !!!!!!!!

Monday, March 27, 2006

AN INTERESTING CONVERSATION

AN INTERESTING CONVERSATION
An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty. He asks one of his new students to stand and.....
Prof: So you believe in God?
Student: Absolutely, sir.

Prof: Is God good?
Student: Sure.

Prof: Is God all-powerful?
Student: Yes.

Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him.
Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm? (Student is silent.)

Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?
Student: Yes.

Prof: Is Satan good?
Student: No.

Prof: Where does Satan come from?
Student : From...God...

Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in
this world?
Student: Yes.

Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Student: Yes.

Prof: So who created evil?
(Student does not answer.)

Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible
things exist in the world, don't they?
Student: Yes, sir.

Prof: So, who created them?
(Student has no answer.)

Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?
Student: No, sir.

Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student: No, sir.

Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student: No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.

Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student: Yes.

Prof: According to empirical, t estable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.

Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science
has.
Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Prof: Yes.
Student: And is there such a thing as cold?

Prof: Yes.
Student: No sir. There isn't.
(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn
of events.)
Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything
called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we
can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is
only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold.
Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it. (There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)

Student: What about darkn ess, Professor? Is there
such a thing as darkness?

Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?
Student : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light....But if you
have
no light constantly, you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?

Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise
is flawed.

Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the
concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either o ne.To view death as the
opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor.Do you teach your students that they evolved from
a monkey?

Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your
own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the
argument is going.)

Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher? (The
class is in uproar.)

Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain? (The class breaks out into laughter.)

Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professo r's brain,
felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain,sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust
your lectures, sir? (The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.
Student: That is it sir... The link between man & god is FAITH. That is all
that keeps things moving & alive.
NB: I believe you have enjoyed the conversation...and if so...you'll probably want your friends/colleagues to enjoy the same...won't you?...forward them to increase their knowledge... this is a true story, and
the student was none other than.........APJ Abdul Kalam, the present president of India.

Nights are going Sleepless...


Days are going Useless...


Ohh God...

Is it Love?

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God says...idiot, You are a Support Engineer.

First joke posting - which I got it in fwd emails

Colin came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he
often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.
He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.

When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing
a long flowing white robe.

"Who the hell are you?" Demanded Colin, "and what are you doing in my
bedroom?".


The mysterious Man answered, "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter".

Colin was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to

live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family....you've got to send me

back straight away".

St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch.

We can only send you back as a dog or a hen."


Colin was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his

house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was

covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.

"This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling

welling up inside him.


The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, "So you're the new hen, how

are you enjoying your first day here?"

"It's not so bad" replies Colin, "but I have this strange feeling inside

like I'm about to explode".

"You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never

laid an egg before". "Never" replies Colin "Well just relax and let it

happen"


And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops

out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and

his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the

first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was

overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best

thing that ever happened to him...ever!!!


The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he

felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife

shouting "Colin, wake up you drunken bas*ard, you're sh*tting in the

bed"